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Partners Role

Understanding the Role^*

Like many partners, you may be nervous. You may worry about feeling squeamish, or being inadequate at offering sufficient support. You can help to combat this by preparing yourself. It’s important you know as much as possible so you can effectively help the mother meet the physical and emotional demands of labour. At antenatal classes there will be demonstrations to describe labour’s onset and the effect of contractions, and you will be taught techniques to help her relax.

If it’s going to be a hospital birth, visit the hospital’s labour and delivery rooms and introduce yourself to her hospital attendants so you won’t feel like an outsider when the time comes. If the birth is to be at home, make sure you know the route to hospital in case of emergency, and find out what will be expected of you; trust will create a calmer atmosphere.

How to Help During the Labour^*

You may have a very active role throughout the labour and birth, but sometimes your presence is all the mother needs. Make sure you are familiar with her birth plan and the alternative version. You need to be aware of her wishes in order to provide her with the best care and attention during labour.

Use Your Intuition^*

You need to judge the situation, observing the mother’s moods and fitting in. She may want to stay quiet, going through contractions alone without being touched. Alternatively, she may need much verbal or physical encouragement, or to be distracted.

Provide Emotional Support^*

Remain as intimate as possible using loving words, and keep your movements slow, quiet, and steady. Be positive: offer praise, never criticism. If she wants to hear your voice, constantly tell her how well she is doing, how she can relax herself, what others such as the midwife are doing to help her, and what will happen soon. Also, help her to see how much she has achieved already – it’s easy for her to be overwhelmed by how far she thinks she has to go. Massage and stroke her slowly, but if she just wants to hold your hand, you can offer encouragement by using facial expressions, and lots of eye contact. Sometimes just the expression of love in her partner’s eyes can help a woman bear the pain of contractions.

Combat Fatigue^*

Before labour, advise her to rest as much as possible, particularly if she seems to spend a lot of energy cleaning during the nesting period. If she has a long, tiring labour, try to help her relax between the contractions to conserve her energy for the second stage. If she’s not feeling nauseous, provide her with as much nourishment as she wants.

Help Her Cope with the Pain^*

It’s hard to see someone you care about in pain, but try not to reveal your anxiety as she will become discouraged. On the other hand, don’t discredit her suffering. Acknowledge it positively, telling her each contraction is bringing your baby’s birth nearer, and offer different suggestions for relief. Don’t let her feel embarrassed about expressing her discomfort – encourage her to be as uninhibited as possible. A woman in labour should never be ashamed of needing pain relief.

If she feels particularly anxious during a contraction, try to calm her fears by discussing how she felt before the next one starts. Try not to be upset if she becomes critical or aggressive as this often happens when the pain is very intense.

Assist with Breathing^*

You will probably have practised the mother’s preferred method in antenatal classes, but allow her to follow her own rhythm. If she seems to lose control, stay close by and slowly guide her through the pattern until she has enough reassurance to carry on alone. Be prepared to adapt – very few people follow exactly what they practised at antenatal classes.

Offer Comfort^*

You can be a great help in relieving her discomfort. Suggest different positions and support her with cushions and blankets, or let her lean against you while you cuddle and rock together. Look out for signs of tension in her neck, shoulders, or forehead, and gently stroke these areas. Massage will offer some relief, and if she’s using visualisation techniques, gently talk her through them. She will probably find having her face and hands wiped very soothing, and offer her ice cubes to suck. If she feels cold, help her put on socks, or leg warmers. As labour progresses she may want to talk less, but you can communicate by touching or caressing, or by using eye contact.

* Dr Miriam Stoppard MD FRCP, Conception, Pregnancy & Birth, Dorling Kindersley, Australia 2002